Far from being an obligation, the “good resolutions” for 2021 are an opportunity for couples to discuss, laugh and dream together about future projects, as Caroline Kruse, marriage counselor explains.
Lose weight, do more sport, stop smoking … The “good resolutions” are gathered in spades for the month of January. And despite the calamitous year which is about to end (let’s say it frankly), the French could once again be tempted for 2021. Indeed, three quarters of us follow this tradition every year ( 1) . No need to know how much really holds them …
“Good resolutions” are not necessarily individual. They can be taken as a couple. And this year, they could turn into a good time for sharing. Caroline Kruse, marriage therapist, explains how (2) .
How did couples experience this year 2020?
In a way, the first lockdown went pretty well . The constraint imposed on the population was strong, but also clear. It was therefore easier to adapt to it, compared to the current situation. The constraint is now blurred and it seems to stretch out over time. For now, we do not know when the confinement will end, which is causing concern, fatigue and uncertainty. The couple is obviously not spared. It must also adapt to the two individuals who compose it and do not necessarily experience the situation in the same way …
Why do you advise them to make “good resolutions”?
The “good resolutions” are the occasion of a moment of sharing, of complicity, of reunion. The goal is to exchange with the other, to get out of the ambient melancholy by projecting oneself towards the future. And it can become a game. For example, we can set two good achievable resolutions, and two others made complicated by the current context but which we promise to do in 2022. Let us seize this opportunity to dream.
This moment of exchange is also a good way to take a fresh look at the person with whom we live, to benefit from what we have learned and understood together about the other. Because they are real resources for the future of the couple .
How to choose them?
A good idea could be for everyone to ask their spouse to make a list of four good resolutions that they would like us to make, telling them that we will try to keep, let’s say two, from their list. Or, in a more fun way, each list four things that we imagine the other would want and that we could commit ourselves to. Then it is enough to compare the lists, discuss them and come to an agreement.
What if we don’t keep our “good resolutions”?
These challenges are a bit like believing in Santa Claus. They are almost made not to be held. There is therefore no need to be too demanding of yourself and others. You have to accept in advance that you cannot keep all your “good resolutions”, that the other also does not succeed. The worst part about a relationship is to expect to be disappointed from the start. So, no pressure. It’s a game, you have to take it as such.